The Broken Man

The Broken Man

I stand naked before the mirror

It is pristine and shows a tall blue-eyed man

Starring back at me

But that is not what I see

I see each wrinkle, each spot, every imperfection

A person can have

The more I gaze into the very soul of this reflection

The more a question what is returning that gaze

This is not me

This is not what I see.

I am not perfection at all

It is then that

I feel as if I have just left my body

I am standing next to it

I reach for the nearest object

With every emotion

With the strength of every person who ever cut me

I fling the object at this clean sheet of painted glass

While the mirror is a mere 2 feet in front of me

It takes a lifetime for the object and the glass to intersect

The moment the two cross paths it is has if my very soul

Has leaped out and imbedded itself in the very cracks and crevices

That I see spiderweb through out the seven years of bad luck I just created

Now there it is, there is the true reflection I should be seeing

A broken man

Just like this glass and silver painted object was once immaculate

It now stands shattered

Just like me

This mirror now shows my very being

Starting with the impact point and reaching out

My deepest scars are hidden there

Deep in the millions of shards

Compacted to a point that they have the density of a black hole

I continue to allow my eyes to wander outward

See how the cracks move in jagged direction

 Just like the moments of my life

There seams to be no rhyme

No reason

No purpose

And they don’t stop the just continue on

As if to say you will always be this broken

It is at that very second I tilt my head and close my eyes

In the darkness I start to think what am I really looking at

Slowly I allow my eye lids to start to creep open

With each almost agonizing millimeter

I start to see it

I see wonder

I see beauty

I see strength

I think what has changed

I remember

Yes I remember that a Ferrari, a Cash, an Uncle and a Fur Hat

Entered my closed walls and embraced me

they allowed me to accept love and support

Love and support that was always there but I was to blind to see

And to stubborn to accept

The more I search for the beauty in what seams like a useless piece of trash

I see S S A T T

I see acceptance and caring

I see Pommers, and Bubbers and the glue that held us all together

Even as I was ripping us apart

I see the pain and heart ache that has followed me since time began

But I also see all of the good that I could become

I see the mended fences not the burnt bridges

I know the force that was caused by the collision

This mirror should not be held together at all 

The pieces should be scatter about the floor

I am puzzled at how this fragile thing could still have all of its pieces

But as I stare it starts to appear

A small white label directly over the impact site   

Then the words start to come into to focus

As if magic contacts just jumped into my eyes

I have to blink away the tears as I read it again and again

“Held together with the glue of love

 from every member of your family

from every friend

from every enemy

from every person you ever made eye contact with

from the spirts from within and without

and from the very soul you feel is broken”

and bang just like that I am back

the mirror is whole

the reflection is pure

and my smile is bright

I know I am loved

I know I am respected

And I know I have self-worth

I know that it is okay to not be okay

I know that this man

This broken man

Is not so broken after all.